This makes a change from all the "Yes, you can" books! It's basically about getting over the fear of saying now and taking control of any circumstance without negative consequences. A critical aspect as you might imagine is tone of voice and the author words hard to ensure we understand that it's critical we get this right - not too fast, too harsh and to make sure we choos the right words when we do mean it. It is also key to stick to your decision when you've make it.
Kemp has a model called the POWER of No which has an acronym from POWER: Purpose, options, when, emotional ties and rights/responsibilities. She suggests that using this acronym will help us to make a yes / no decision based on the right issues at the time. For me I find it a lot to think about when considering a yes/ no response online, though I suppose you get better at it with practice.
In essence the decision prcess goes like this
- think about the purpose and context of the decision
- what option do you have? What resources are available?
- when is it due? What is the deadline and can you meet it?
- be realistic about the emotional ties
- consider your rights and responsibilities
I'll be trying out some "No's"....
Sunday, 29 June 2008
Monday, 23 June 2008
Time Traps by Todd Duncan
You can't manage time but you can manage your thoughts, actions and tasks - that is the underlying premise of this powerful book. I read the book a couple of years ago and in a rare moment, I decided to read it again as I found I was often using the mantra of its premise and was seeking to find more ways to satisfy my desire to get a grip on the slippery slope of the balance between time and tasks.
The book is written with sales in mind though I didn't find this detracted at all from my personal context and I expect anyone who deals with many interactions with others will find it helpful.
The author talkes the reader through a number of traps. The first is the identity trap. This is how when time is monopolised by our work we become our work - and thus how important it is to rethink time, to rebalance as part of regaining our personal identity. Secondly there is the organisation trap where the author suggests that most sales people are disorganised, out of control and say they lack the time to catch up. Well, that sound like a lot of the stories I hear from many people! And what I say sometimes as well!!! He suggests learning to stop all unnecessary tasks before they steal time, admit legitimate tasks onto your list of things to do, and make sure you know the difference between necessary and productive tasks. Then take action and assess how you're doing.
He also talks about the Yes trap, and then how to say No, or sacrifice more sales for the benefit of others. He has some interesting things to describe on the value of saying no. Then there is the Control Trap and the issues of letting go and learning to delegate. The technology trap should be familiar to those caught by their email, and for sale people he discusses the Quota trap. And if you're not trapped out yet, there is also the Failure Trap and the Party Trap.
I know this book changed how I felt about time and the management of it the first time I read it and certainly, the second time around, I was reminded to take some more detailed action steps.
Go to here http://www.timetrapsbook.com/ to download a chapter or to carry out the self assessment on the eight traps.
The book is written with sales in mind though I didn't find this detracted at all from my personal context and I expect anyone who deals with many interactions with others will find it helpful.
The author talkes the reader through a number of traps. The first is the identity trap. This is how when time is monopolised by our work we become our work - and thus how important it is to rethink time, to rebalance as part of regaining our personal identity. Secondly there is the organisation trap where the author suggests that most sales people are disorganised, out of control and say they lack the time to catch up. Well, that sound like a lot of the stories I hear from many people! And what I say sometimes as well!!! He suggests learning to stop all unnecessary tasks before they steal time, admit legitimate tasks onto your list of things to do, and make sure you know the difference between necessary and productive tasks. Then take action and assess how you're doing.
He also talks about the Yes trap, and then how to say No, or sacrifice more sales for the benefit of others. He has some interesting things to describe on the value of saying no. Then there is the Control Trap and the issues of letting go and learning to delegate. The technology trap should be familiar to those caught by their email, and for sale people he discusses the Quota trap. And if you're not trapped out yet, there is also the Failure Trap and the Party Trap.
I know this book changed how I felt about time and the management of it the first time I read it and certainly, the second time around, I was reminded to take some more detailed action steps.
Go to here http://www.timetrapsbook.com/ to download a chapter or to carry out the self assessment on the eight traps.
Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, Mcmillan & Switzler
This book has the subtitle "Tools for talking when the stakes are high" and I found there was not a single page that disappointed me. Part way reading through the book I thought this is all common sense, and of course a lot of it is. However, the authors are showing and telling in an extremely compelling manner that you just can't help going "aha", oh-yes", "of course" every few minutes. My copy is full of notes, highlighter marks and pages turned over.
So what's the meat in the book?
At its heart is a dialogue model which is about me and the other and how we each act, feel, tell a story and see/hear. In our dialgue we are aiming to create a pool of shared meaning and there are a number of factors that impact this, such as safety, and silence (withdrawing, avoiding, masking) and violence (controlling, attacking, labelling). All this sounds cold in this description, what brings this book alive is the way the authors develop the model with the use of various tools and stories. It's impossible to read it anot feel connected yet at the same time feel empowered to do something about your next high stakes conversation.
You can download book chapters and sample MP3 audio from http://www.vitalsmarts.com/books_more.aspx . There is also the stress test to discover your style under stress.
If you want to page through some of the book check it out here http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=Gzjj9mSPAGEC&dq=crucial+conversations+review&pg=PP1&ots=Aj4jGSI6IL&sig=euh96h7xAwU8GJ3PkqiAlDFXfvU&hl=en&prev=http://www.google.co.uk/search%3Fsourceid%3Dnavclient%26ie%3DUTF-8%26rls%3DGFRD,GFRD:2008-06,GFRD:en%26q%3Dcrucial%2Bconversations%2Breview&sa=X&oi=print&ct=title&cad=one-book-with-thumbnail
So what's the meat in the book?
At its heart is a dialogue model which is about me and the other and how we each act, feel, tell a story and see/hear. In our dialgue we are aiming to create a pool of shared meaning and there are a number of factors that impact this, such as safety, and silence (withdrawing, avoiding, masking) and violence (controlling, attacking, labelling). All this sounds cold in this description, what brings this book alive is the way the authors develop the model with the use of various tools and stories. It's impossible to read it anot feel connected yet at the same time feel empowered to do something about your next high stakes conversation.
You can download book chapters and sample MP3 audio from http://www.vitalsmarts.com/books_more.aspx . There is also the stress test to discover your style under stress.
If you want to page through some of the book check it out here http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=Gzjj9mSPAGEC&dq=crucial+conversations+review&pg=PP1&ots=Aj4jGSI6IL&sig=euh96h7xAwU8GJ3PkqiAlDFXfvU&hl=en&prev=http://www.google.co.uk/search%3Fsourceid%3Dnavclient%26ie%3DUTF-8%26rls%3DGFRD,GFRD:2008-06,GFRD:en%26q%3Dcrucial%2Bconversations%2Breview&sa=X&oi=print&ct=title&cad=one-book-with-thumbnail
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